We continued to support one another as a family in every way we could after Peter died. Hayley Peter's sister adjusted her work schedule so that once a week she could collect Corey from school and Bailey from home (something I’ll cover in another blog). That support meant everything to us, but more importantly, it allowed the kids to feel closer to Peter and to strengthen their relationship.
Hayley began counting down the days until she would see them again. The time she spent with them filled a small part of the hole that had been left behind. They talked about Peter, shared stories, and remembered him together all while creating new memories. I know Peter would feel blessed and thankful for everything his lil sis did when he no longer had a voice, and for how she stepped up for his kids and for all of us when he couldn’t.
The children weren’t just being told that support existed around them they could see it and feel it.
Much like the age gap between my brother Tom and me, we were all at very different stages in life. Although I am the oldest of three, Hayley is the youngest and the only girl. After our dad left, it was just me, Jane, and my mum. Eventually, my mum began a relationship with someone in her friendship circle. Although she wanted to take things slowly after her marriage ended, life moved quickly and she later fell pregnant with Tom.
Hayley’s story mirrored this in some ways. She was the youngest child, born after two older brothers, which shaped her place within the family and the dynamics she grew up with.
Peter had always worked in the construction industry, so when he realised he needed to return to full-time work, he also needed reliable support to get the children to school and pick them up. Like most work in that industry, his days started early and often changed at short notice.
Initially, my mum stepped in without hesitation. She had already given up her own career and aspirations to care for Jane and all three children after Jane became unwell. As Peter’s work slowly returned, it was unpredictable, meaning my mum never knew when she would be needed. After giving up everything for the past ten years, she was living in constant uncertainty. Anyone who has experienced trauma will understand how important it is to hold on to something when everything else feels unstable. At this time I was still working in my longstanding corporate job full-time similar to now I didn't have time to process anything we had been though nor did I process what we was still going through, I had to keep going for everyone. I saw the kids often, popping into see them of an evening, having them to stay or taking them out to give Jane a break.
Every time she tried to make plans or book a client, she was suddenly needed elsewhere. When Peter took on full-time care of the kids, this didn’t change she was now needed in two places at once. Peter had a small family network, which meant he leaned on us heavily. No matter what, he was the kid's dad, and we would always be there for them.
Peter knew he needed someone who could help with school runs at the drop of a hat. Being self-employed meant traditional childcare wasn’t an option he would have had to pay for days the children didn’t attend, including holidays. But work wasn’t just about money for him.
He had a strong work ethic and needed something for himself: people around him, banter, routine, purpose, and a reason to get up in the morning. The system often makes it financially harder to work, but without work especially if you’ve always worked it’s easy to slip into depression and lose the drive for even the simplest things.
Eventually, a family friend with a child of a similar age offered to help. When Peter passed away, it affected her deeply too. She had built a genuine relationship with Peter and the kids. They were part of her daily routine, she gave them experiences, sleepovers with friends, and arranged birthday parties. So when she asked if she could still see the kids, especially Corey, once a week after school, it wasn’t even a question.
I wanted things to remain the same where possible. Although our circumstances meant we no longer needed help with school runs, I wanted them surrounded by people who loved, cared for them, and gave them that connection to Peter.
Although I didn’t know her well, we had each other’s numbers and had lightly communicated over the years. If I could step in or if the kids were unwell I would. A few years earlier, I had taken a career break which allowed me to spend more time with the kids and help relieve some of the pressure Peter was under.
When one thing goes wrong you’re suddenly trying to find a quick solution usually just as you’re about to leave. Peter wasn’t known for his patience and often jumped straight to the worst-case scenario. That constant anticipation of something going wrong weighed heavily on him. In a way, while we were waiting for a call, he was waiting for something to happen that would throw all plans out the window.
And that’s what so many people don’t see the mental load, the constant readiness, the quiet pressure of holding everything together.